The struggles that I have with my weight are no secret–if you have any doubt, just look at me! 🙂 And I have been all over the map of sizes, shapes and contentment over the years.
When I’m in the groove, I am giving it 110%, but when I “fall off”, man do I give that 110% too. There is no middle ground with me. And I truly feel like this pretty much all the time…
When I’m on a roll…focused on my self, eating well, exercising, working on my mindfulness, etc…I still feel and know that I am inches from falling down. But everyone does that right? You start your day with the healthiest breakfast possible, you lace up your sneakers, you are “winning” and then the next thing you know there is a cupcake all up in your face and you’ve lost it. Now what I “think” is the case, is that MANY of you can eat that cupcake and still go out on your power walk and never look back.
I want what you have, because that’s not how it works for me.
For me that cupcake become three (or a bakers dozen), and then the day is already “ruined”, so I’ll go for that power walk in the morning and now I’m exhausted, so we’ll order in tonight, and then I sleep like crap, so in the morning the only thing that will make me feel better is the biggest bowl of oatmeal you’ve ever seen and this goes on and on and on and on.
You get the picture. I’m either on or I’m off, there is no middle ground. And that’s what I am in search of.
I will say that for the most part, over the last six years, I’ve been able to bounce back fairly quickly…still ups and downs, but more ups. But more than a year ago, I went away with friends and I was already in that slipping off the cliff position and I let go, completely. And when I got back I just couldn’t for the life of me get back into the groove for more than a few weeks at a time. So the weight started to come back on (it LOVES me and is happy to return quickly!), my energy dwindled and my mojo was a thing of the past.
Since that trip, I’ve been on like 10 more trips–all indulgent, all returned from with a pledge to make this time work–all of which didn’t do the trick.
So last Saturday, as I was driving us back from South Carolina I had a ton of time to think…it’s a very long drive! And I really noodled through what I needed to get my groove back.
And I determined a few things.
I need to focus my energies on me–my eating, my movement, my nourishment, my mindfulness, so that I can regain my energy.
And then I need to truly understand my story–what makes me tick, what knocks me down, what builds me up–and the only way I can do that is to tell the story.
Enter stage right…you!
I’ve pledged to document my 30 days to #gettingmygrooveback and just putting it all out there. This helps me process it, gives me accountability and if even one person reading/watching can relate and can benefit, then it’s a true win-win!
This journey to getting my groove back is not so much about weight loss, as it is becoming whole and conquering those ever present demons that love to keep me down. It’s going to be uncomfortable, but necessary.
I’m truly afraid of heights, and I’m done with hanging off the edge.