My Big Ugly Cry

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My mom used to cry every time that I left to go back to college, or later whenever we parted ways after a visit, and I would get so exasperated, almost embarrassed.  She was also a sucker for Kleenex and Hallmark commercials.  In my mind, she was a complete mush!  Of course, now she’s gone, and like most things that drove me crazy about her, I get it.  And dare say that I’ve become her.  I’m a complete empathetic crier.  I see someone else cry…I absolutely feel their pain, joy, hurt and I join right in.  I cry every time my boys meet their new teachers…sing in a concert…stand in front of their class…get acknowledged.  And my goodness, I can’t make it through one perusal of Facebook without crying about something!

Last week I attended a funeral for a woman that was in my book club.  She was in her mid 70s and lived a very exciting and rewarding life.  It was unexpected and thus she did not suffer.  I didn’t know her outside of our monthly gatherings, but at her funeral, I was a complete and utter mess!  I hadn’t been to a funeral since my mom’s four years ago–so of course, that all came flooding back and every time I thought I had collected myself, I would see the shoulders of her only son shake with his own sobs and I would lose it all over again.

And I am one big ugly crier…no little sniffler here!  I go for broke!

graduationSo while Mother’s Day is a joyous day for so many–and I absolutely adore seeing all of my friends’ posts with their children or their own moms, I am very cognizant of how hard it is for so many more.  So today, I nearly got carpal tunnel from liking so many Mother’s Day posts online.  I have friends who are celebrating their first Mother’s Day without their moms…ones that have lost a child…ones that have adopted…ones that were adopted…ones that grew up without their moms…and so many friends that can not have children.  So as I read each of their posts they warm and/or break my heart.

So as I sit here in the midst of a big ugly cry, it’s not because I’m sad, or mourning the loss of my mom, but rather my heart is bursting with love, and compassion for all that I have and for all of the beautiful women in my life and the love they bring into their worlds–with or without giving birth and regardless of how they were brought into this world.

You absolutely make this big ugly cry worth it!  And yes mom, I totally get it!

Have the best day you can…all things considered!

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