Opening the Door

I am a professional talker.  I spend most of my days on the phone.  I’m forever “exclaiming” to my children.  I give workshops.  I facilitate meetings.  I talk a lot.

But my favorite topic, is you.  And while I share a lot (perhaps too much) about myself and what my struggles are, it’s always pointed back out.

I did this and this happened.  Don’t do what I just did. Learn from my mistakes.

But I’ve reached a point, that for me to continue to grow and heal, I need to start really talking about me.  So I made a big step last week and scheduled an appointment for a therapist.

And today was the day.  I drove downtown, found a parking spot, walked to the building, went up the elevator, and then opened up the door.

To my next chapter.

And really, I don’t need to dramatize it, but I do want to acknowledge that seeking help, whatever kind it is, is not easy.  So here is a case of, look what I did, you can do it too!

Now, I won’t bore you with all of the details and it’s certainly not a one and done situation, but I had a great take away that I wanted to share.

As we discussed my negative self talk and my relationship to food and the fact that I started on a weight loss program as a tween, she asked me if I had any memories associated with food prior to that enrollment.  And I have none.  I don’t remember what my favorite food was when I was 5.  I don’t remember going out to eat when I was young.  I don’t remember anything related to food before starting in the weight loss program.  So we talked about the fact that my thoughts about food, my self esteem, and my body image were born when I was 11.  And that they have stayed with me ever since.  Can you imagine still wearing your 11 year old self’s clothes?  Can you imagine still navigating your adult world with your 11 year old interests, vocabulary, view of the world, mannerisms, and likes?

Ridiculous even to imagine, right?

But that is what I’ve done.  I took what I believed to be true about myself at 11 and I’ve held on to that for a bjillion years.

It’s such an amazing perspective.  I look at this photo and think how happy and self confident she looks (amidst the autumn gold appliances) and can’t wait to do the hard work to bring her back!

More to come.