Earlier this year I wrote my take on the first step to having it all, which in summary is realizing that you determine what “having it all” means.
It’s different for every person and shouldn’t be dictated by the norms put forth by others.
So now, it’s time to work on step 2.
One of my clients teases me about being a super mom. Apparently knowing your child’s bus driver’s name is not normal. And, according to her, who in their right mind would do a road trip with a child!
But in all honesty, I’m far from it!
Yes, I do enjoy going over the top for my boys’ birthdays. We do go to amazing places on our road trips. And yes, I buy organic.
But those are the things that I love doing, so I do them a lot–and share those experiences with everyone.
But the things that I don’t love doing, like cleaning–the kind that requires one to actually look under your bed and behind your couch–forget about it! The dust bunnies have clearly won that war! I’ve already told you that I hate bedtime and bento box lunches. And you will never see me coaching on the sidelines for one of my kids’ teams.
But I know lots and lots of folks that thrive on those types of activities. And that’s what makes the world go round.
Once you determine what your “having it all” looks like, you must then understand that having it all, does not mean “doing it all”.
The mom’s that are bringing beautiful, hand decorated, gluten-free, organic cupcakes to the school’s fundraiser, literally left the water running in the kitchen, which looks like a bomb went off in it.
And you know that mom that is the queen of the carpool and always, I mean always, volunteers to bring the orange slices for soccer practice, hasn’t done laundry in weeks.
And social media does not help us in this quandary, as I have been known to do this as well–very carefully selecting the best angle and photo of our 15 minutes of fabulousness in an otherwise crappy day and posting it online. That does not accurately portray anyone’s reality of life behind the scenes.
So do an audit, won’t you. Make a list of all of the “stuff” that you typically commit to or feel guilty about needing to do. Then draw a line through all of the things on that list that do not bring you joy. Then fill those vacancies with all of the stuff you love to do, but never have time for, or want to do more of! As Brené Brown says, “Choose discomfort over resentment.” It’s hard to drop those balls and in some cases let someone down, but choose those moments of awkwardness over committing to tasks and activities that suck you dry and you will inevitably resent.
And remember…you don’t need to be all things to all people.
You need to be the best you for the people that are most important to you.